Looking ahead

Thailand is paradise and the people are wonderful.
Nobody--anywhere in the world--wants to hear otherwise.
Nevermind the scars, the jutting bones, the constant screams for attention, the dirt, the age, the grime, the 200% farang surcharge, the gawking, "UHH!  YOU! UH! AAUHH! No, no Englit, poot pasa Thai!"
Nevermind what it's like to live here, Thailand is paradise.

An annotated version of the questions I will ask my next employer:

• How many classes per week? How many hours per day? How many lessons per week? How diverse are the abilities? How hard will I have to prepare?  Creating themed lessons is easy and can tie together ten or fifteen lesson plans, but to create twenty individual lessons is of little interest, and only slightly less appealing than teaching one lesson to twenty classes; in practice, no two classes learn at the same rate, especially in Thailand where students are grouped according to aptitude, which is to say, my 22 classes need 18 different lesson plans, ranging from nuances in inflection for 1/15 to practice with, "What is your name?" in 1/1.  
• Who establishes lessons? Who sets the standards? How are they enforced? How do I know what to teach, and who tells me whether or not I'm succeeding?  
• How far in advance is the calendar set? How are events or alterations communicated to foreign teachers?  "Today is holiday, no class" is nice to know BEFORE counting on, say, having a midterm.

• How many students are in a class? Do they have desks or tables, and is there room to circulate through the class? How are the classrooms maintained? What level of damage is considered worthy of repair? This one is pretty superfluous--I just wonder whether I'll be able to walk around the classroom and whether I have to worry about students attacking each other/me with components of their exploded desks.  Or, rarely, whether enforcing "put away your notebooks" means removing the only even writing surface a student has.  
  Or, in another vein, if someone gets cute and scrawls "FUCKYOU" or a swastika on the wall, how long will I have to look at it if I'm not inclined to sand, prime, and paint the room at my own time and expense?  
  
  
• How much individual interaction is expected during any given week? Where do students go if they require extra help? If I see each class of 60 students for 50 minutes per week, will I be expected to have a meaningful interaction with every individual student?  If so, will I be expected to spend free time compensating for classroom conditions?
• Will there be assistance communicating with beginning learners?  Is there a local in the room who will be able to communicate with--and most likely extract behavioral respect from--the entire class?  
• What happens to students who do not pass a test?  If everyone passes and it's up to me to stay until they do, it changes my test-writing and grading.  
• How predictable is the classroom electricity? How are the classroom climates maintained? Is it conceivable to have a consistent classroom environment?  Is multimedia conceivable?  
• What are the standard classroom appointments as far as visual and multimedia? What resources—copies, markers, handouts, test sheets--are available? Who pays for them?  If I want to play a CD, DVD, TV, Internet, or computer program, what will I need beyond the media itself?  If I want students to practice, will it be up to me to write the ditto info on the board?  Who pays for the markers to do so?  If I want to assign homework, will I have to model and depict it on the board, or can I hand out an assignment at the end of class?  If I want to give a test, will I have to write it on the board and collect notebook sheets?  Will I be able to give a single-use test to each student, or does each test have to last for all classes indefinitely?  Do students have any concept of a direct-answer or paragraph test, or is everything a multiple choice?  
• Where are the teacher offices? How are the climates maintained? How predictable is the electricity/internet? What sort of access is there to potable water?  What electronics exist in the office?    How comfortable are the non-teaching hours?  Where do I have to go if I want water or coffee?  To print or copy? 
• How western are the restrooms? How many people share them? Who is responsible for cleaning and restocking them? How often does that take place?  I hate Monday morning, when the top-floor squat toilets used by me and 600 students--responsible for cleaning as Boy Scout duties--start reeking two floors down.
• What are the most common living conditions for veteran teachers? How western is a “furnished apartment”? How comfy/cozy can I expect to be?  
  Sounds superfluous, and really is, but after buying an air mattress to keep from getting bruised by the coconut husk mattress, I want to know whether to pack my Thermarest.
  And now that I've spent long enough without it, I treasure the sanctity and sanctuary of a comfortable place to sit and read.  
• Is there an official drug policy? How is it enforced? How many other sober people will I be around, either in the culture or in the school?  
• What are the most common weekend activities? Regular social activities? How do people blow off steam?  Is there life outside of debauchery and full moon parties?  Is drinking a social activity to blow off steam or a predetermined base level?  If I try to talk teaching outside of the office, will I be shot down with a volley of wet towels?  
  Will my coworkers be there to teach or to party?  
• How much money do most teachers save from an average paycheck?  Will I be able to pay off my student loans?  
• Is it more common to cook for yourself or pick up food on the way home? Which is cheaper? I really, really miss being able to--either through availability of a kitchen or cost of ingredients--cook for myself.  Granted, I have learned to do great things with a water boiler, but soup gets old after a few weeks in the tropics.  
• How accessible is English-speaking medical/dental/optical care? What sort of medications are commonly prescribed or prohibited?  If I get sideswiped, will I be able to describe where and how it hurts beyond crying and pointing?  Will I be able to get something more than Tylenol?  (The strongest medication I've received in Thailand--handed to me in an unmarked prescription container in a black plastic bag--hit me about like 150 mg of ibuprofin with a strong sniff of brandy.)  

What's interesting is that these are mainly niceties I presently work without. And it could very easily be much worse—I have an airconditioned apartment with hot water and a mini-fridge, I have my Thermarest to help the coconut husk mattress, I have a laundry lady and fairly predictable electricity, a working toilet, and a straight employer from whom I do not expect financial or professional monkeying. Really, life is good.

Still, there's the hope that one day things will change....